Okay, so I'm not all that faithful a blogger. I just noticed that my most recent blog entry was at the beginning of 2006, and it is now mid-March of 2008. Has my life changed a bit? Have surprising things happened in the past two years?
Well, let's summarize.
Since Jan 1, 2006:
Work: I was hired and began working at Reach for Resources in Hopkins about February 13, 2006. In October of 2006, I began looking for a new job, closer to home, because the drive was killing me! The cost of gas was ridiculous, and sometimes it took a full two hours to get to work or to get home. Hugo to Hopkins was like three commutes - into the city, across the cities, out of the city. Blah! So I got hired by The Wilder Foundation, gave six weeks notice, and began work there on December 4, 2006. My bosses were Linda Bohlig and Mary Heisermann. Within a couple of months, Linda had quit (replaced by Megan Kettunen) and Mary had retired (replaced by MayKao Hang), and I had all new bosses. Then in October, 2007, I was given the news that my position had been eliminated. Admittedly, this was because I didn't have enough to do. I was lazy about looking for a new position because I figured somebody at Wilder would hire me for one of the many positions I applied for, but they didn't. So...I was out of work from November 2 until I finally signed up with Jeane Thorne Temp Agency in February of 2008. Couldn't have survived if my lovely daughter Lisha hadn't moved in and gotten a job just before I was fired, because I wasn't eligible for Unemployment because THEY had made a mistake and overpaid me a couple of years back, and wouldn't give me the benefits until I paid them back - which I obviously could not do since I didn't have A JOB!!! So now I am in my 4th week working for Jeane Thorne, and my last week, because I got hired by St Stephen's Lutheran Church in White Bear Lake. I begin work there next Tuesday. That WILL be the job I have for the rest of my life! God willing. Sadly, the guy who did most of my interviewing and stuff just died this past Sunday - car accident. His name was Skip Bresin, and I'm really sorry he died, as he was a very VERY sweet guy and I was looking forward to getting to know him and work with him.
Living Situation: When I first began working for Reach, I stayed during the week at my Aunt Phyllis' basement apartment until June 15 or so, when I moved into my brother's house, which I rent. Still living there. Loving it, but not the yard work, so I hire a guy when Meech is not available to do yard work. Hoping I will live there forever. Though the stairs from first to second floor are pretty steep - I'm used to them, though.
Car: Did I mention I was driving the 1989 Subaru station wagon made of rust held together by a bit of white metal? That was in 2006 - near the end of 2006, just before I left Reach, my parents bought me a 2001 Pontiac Montana mini-van. Got better mileage than the Subaru, just. Best of all, I didn't get splashed with water when going through puddles because the Subaru's door was rusting out. I can actually drive the Montana through a car wash - and stay dry on the inside! I pay for the van, the parents just bought it because they have better credit and were sick of fearing for me as I drove around in the Subaru. Once, the door closing mechanism broke or something, and I had to spend one week driving to and from work (Hugo to Hopkins) using bungee cords to hold the driver-side door shut. That was fun. haha
Family: So much. Amaria and Lisha stayed with the grandparents when I first worked. Meech was in a group home. Then for the summer, Amaria still spent the week at the grandparents, frequently the weekends, too. Lisha stayed with them as well, and when fall came around, Meech was sent home, Amaria moved home, and Lisha moved in with a family so she could spend her senior year at Sauk Rapids High School and graduate from the school she was used to. That didn't work out, and she moved home over Christmas break in 2007. She lived at home until spring of 2007, when she moved into an apartment in Sauk Rapids with two friends (Ashley and Marcus) and signed a 6-month lease. Meech, meanwhile, in and out of jail and breaking his probation left and right. When I switched to working for Wilder, Amaria switched from Eisenhower in Hopkins to Oneka in Hugo. Still there, now she is in 2nd grade. Meech went to White Bear Lake High (north campus) for awhile, but then was switched to a Level 5 probation school - only 10 boys go there, all of whom are on probation and the teachers are probation officers. What a place for such a brilliant boy with such high potential to end up, eh? So, Lisha got pregnant, moved back home after I paid 4 of her 6 months' rent, and God really did send her home just in time because I lost my job just after she got her job at e-funds, and now we are awaiting the birth of Taia Marie McGinnis any day now - yep, I'm gonna be a grandma!! Meech just got back home from another month at Lino Lakes for probation violation (running away for two weeks, and positive UA for cocaine - Lord help him), and we are hoping he will move out to live with a friend's dad in about a month. Well, and the friend, too. He's just very hard to live with, for us.
More indirect family stuff - Leah and Gene had a baby boy, Levi, just about two months ago. Ben and Layna moved back up here from Washington, DC. They live in a HUGE mansion in North Oaks. Nobody has died. Probably a few other kids have been born. Oh, early December of 2006 John and Amber had Trevor. Jake and Lisa had Nicholas a little over a year ago, and are pregnant with their third child due this spring sometime. Or maybe June?
Spiritual: I began going to a small-group Bible study at Phyllis' house when I was living there and ended up joining New Life Church Lutheran (right in Hugo, where my uncle John's funeral was, where Phyllis and Leah and Gene all go) and Amaria was baptized on September 13, 2006, by Pastor John Schildewachter - her Godparents are Leah and Gene Hageman, and her Godgrandma is Phyllis. Pastor John finally retired (he had donated 5 years as the FT pastor with no pay) last October or so, and we have a new, young, awesome pastor named Peter Nafzger, who came to us with his wife Katie and their children Olivia and Johann. I have done the Children's Christmas Program for two years in a row, and I did the 2007 VBS (by "done" I mean I was the director) and am working on the same for 2008, as well as the 2008 Christmas program. I am also in the last stages of taking over as Sunday School Superintendent for Kathy Brevig - which means I choose curriculum (with input from others), train teachers, plan lessons, basically run the Sunday School program, along with being one of the few Sunday School teachers we have. We are working on that. Getting more teachers. My faith has been fully restored and I am learning daily about God's grace and what true Christianity (as opposed to Church of Christ Christianity) is about, and loving it.
Health: I was in the hospital once because my back went out, and now I have to be really careful of it. I haven't died, so there you go. What more could I ask?
Hobbies: I am still knitting like crazy, reading like crazy with audible books as my favorite with my awesome Creative Zen 2GB MP3 player, I pretty much constantly have books going.
Pets: Right after I moved into David's house, I got a second dog, an Australian/German Shepherd mix, named Humphrey (with plans to get another dog and name him Bogart - though I haven't done that yet). My goal was to have him help with Zeke, because Zeke had gone deaf. But then, on October 5, 2006, Zeke, my beautiful beloved old beagle, died. The DAY BEFORE my road was closed off to create a cul-de-sac, he got out, got hit by a car, came home, and died that evening. Good ol' Zeke. Puppychow. We miss him still. He is buried in the back yard under the grape arbor, and what more could I ask for a beautiful tribute to this most wonderfully sweet of all dogs. Now, we also have a cat - a black cat - named Snowball. haha. Lisha's cat, she is very funny, no?
So there you go - my past two years in a nut shell.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Friday, March 09, 2007
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Happy New Year's
This is my first picture of the year 2006. Note the thrilled attitudes of the people in the pic! David is so sick of my taking his picture...ahahaha!
We spent the evening playing Texas Hold 'Em (me, David, Mom, Dad, Meech) and only David, Meech and I (and of course Zeke) made it until midnight.
Conal and Emma left earlier the 31st, and David left about 10 a.m. on the 1st. When will we see them again??
We spent the evening playing Texas Hold 'Em (me, David, Mom, Dad, Meech) and only David, Meech and I (and of course Zeke) made it until midnight.
Conal and Emma left earlier the 31st, and David left about 10 a.m. on the 1st. When will we see them again??
A Whole New Year
2006 is here. I feel less depressed, although I still don't have a job. I do, however, have medical insurance for myself and the kids, so that is AWESOME!
I'm not into big resolutions and such, but here is a list of things I want to have accomplished by the end of 2006:
1. find a steady, stable, years-into-the-future, room-to-grow job
2. move into our own home (with zeke)
3. stabilize meech on some meds that make him a regular person
4. lisha gets job, license, college ambition
5. amaria able to read, but i still read to her!
6. have health insurance all year long - no gaps!
7. legal issues taken care of - past and present
8. have visited sarah sometime in the year
9. flown lisha out to california to visit david in the summer
10. feel like a real adult person (perhaps if the above goals are reached, this one will be, too, not least of all the medical insurance and therefore my medication as well as the childrens')
these may not be too earth-shattering, they may even be things any normal person would expect, but for me, they are good enough goals to keep me going.
and i love this whole blog thing because i can look back at the end of the year and see how i did.
wait, a few more:
11. knit things for each baby coming into family
12. read (or listen to) 50 books and blog each one
13. lose 25 pounds (at least)
14. knit 5 sweaters for amaria for 1st grade
15. knit an afghan for mom for 2006 christmas (and actually have it done by christmas!)
i could list many more knitting goals, but let's just keep it at this. nobody says i can't exceed my goals, right?
happy 2006!
I'm not into big resolutions and such, but here is a list of things I want to have accomplished by the end of 2006:
1. find a steady, stable, years-into-the-future, room-to-grow job
2. move into our own home (with zeke)
3. stabilize meech on some meds that make him a regular person
4. lisha gets job, license, college ambition
5. amaria able to read, but i still read to her!
6. have health insurance all year long - no gaps!
7. legal issues taken care of - past and present
8. have visited sarah sometime in the year
9. flown lisha out to california to visit david in the summer
10. feel like a real adult person (perhaps if the above goals are reached, this one will be, too, not least of all the medical insurance and therefore my medication as well as the childrens')
these may not be too earth-shattering, they may even be things any normal person would expect, but for me, they are good enough goals to keep me going.
and i love this whole blog thing because i can look back at the end of the year and see how i did.
wait, a few more:
11. knit things for each baby coming into family
12. read (or listen to) 50 books and blog each one
13. lose 25 pounds (at least)
14. knit 5 sweaters for amaria for 1st grade
15. knit an afghan for mom for 2006 christmas (and actually have it done by christmas!)
i could list many more knitting goals, but let's just keep it at this. nobody says i can't exceed my goals, right?
happy 2006!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
My Job Is My Identity?
I never would have thought of myself as somebody who gets my identity through my job. I can't say career, because I haven't done anything long enough for it to be considered a career. Although I was a damn good sales & marketing assistant at ATS and I'm so sad that had to end. What was I ever thinking!?!?
However, as I am searching and searching for a job, and feeling more and more depressed that I have not gotten one, I think I am starting to realize that my identity does largely come from the job. Because when I had a job, I was supporting my family. Yes, I get unemployment, and support my family with that, but somehow it doesn't seem to count if it is not hard work.
This week, Amaria is off school, and I am spending a lot of time playing with her, her new presents, singing Christmas songs as we both love to do (and I finally found my FAVORITE Christmas song, Friendly Beasts, online) and all kinds of other stuff together - we are just being together. I know this has value. I want it to be a good time. Soon (hopefully) I will be working, and she will be back in school, and the opportunity to just spend time time time will have passed. So I'm trying to tell myself that I am doing something meaningful.
Still, I am feeling like such a loser, and I think it mostly has to do with not having a job. I am 34 years old. What have I accomplished in life? NOTHING! Sure, I have 3 kids, but so far, not doing such a great job raising them, am I? I have a son who hates us all, and who I am much happier with when he is not around me at all. I have a daughter who is a recluse, and does nothing but pick on and degrade everybody in the family, as she closes herself up in this house and never leaves. (Sometimes I don't mind this, because at least she is "safe" not out doing drugs and all that, but I don't think this is the way I wanted to keep her safe). I have a five-year-old daughter who has inherited or absorbed the anger of my son, and who lives in fear when he is here (it is mainly because of her that I am so glad when he just goes). I have done things, but there is no coherent line in my life. I knit, and that is my favorite thing, but it's not like that is a LIFE.
I could probably list accomplishments, even for the past year. But it doesn't seem to matter. Maybe this just all comes from the fact that I have no medical insurance and am totally out of Zoloft. Who knows?
I NEED A JOB! I felt so secure, so part of something, so purposeful when I worked for Ed at ATS. I say for Ed, because when he left is when it began to go downhill. I don't think I would have stayed even if the Clearwire thing hadn't come up. But now what am I going to do with myself? What what what what what?
Sometimes I think that everybody in my life would be better off if I just died. I mean, they'd have to shuffle the kids around, but at least Demetreus could live somewhere else, which he practically does and totally wants to anyway. Lisha would be able to have a parent (probably David & Emma) who she respects and who act like "real" parents (i.e. get her driver's license, etc.). And even though she wouldn't think so now, I'm sure Amaria would be better off. My parents would be WAY better off. They would have to quit worrying about whether I can support myself (which I generally can't) and it would be so much cheaper for them if we all (and our dog) weren't living here with them. Even though I give her as much money as possible, I know we cost them more money than that.
The thing is, I would never commit suicide. At least I'm in really bad health, so maybe I will just die in my sleep one night like Val did. Think about it - my eulogy would be so boring. "She came, she had a bunch of kids she couldn't support or raise right, she knitted, she died". And who would be at my funeral? Nobody but my relatives, and them only because we are related, not because I really make a difference in any of their lives. I know Amaria would be devastated. That is really the only reason I should be alive still. She loves me with all her heart, and I love her with all my heart. I love the other two with all my heart, but they only see the flaws in me. They don't see anything good in me, probably because there isn't much good to see. I can't keep a job, I can't keep health insurance for them (what kind of parent can't keep health insurance for their kid!?!?), I don't seem to have imbued them with any drive for success, or in Lisha's case, drive AT ALL. I am a complete and utter failure as a parent. Amaria just doesn't see it yet because she is little. Maybe I can get my act together and be a good parent for her. Maybe by the time she is old enough to know the difference, I will have and kept a job, and have health insurance for her so she gets to the doctor whenever she needs to go, and maybe I will even be able to afford her gymnastics classes, driver's lessons and license, and be able to drive her and her friends somewhere, and live in a decent enough house that she won't be ashamed to bring friends over.
I wonder if Zeke would miss me if I died? Nah, as long as somebody kept feeding him, he would be fine. Would my parents keep him if I died? I wish I would get some horrible cancer that would just kill me quickly. Then my family would have time to love me, even if they can't say that I did a lot in life, they would love me for a little while. And know that once I was gone, they could have some kind of real life. No, I think it would be better to just die in my sleep. I don't want a bunch of phony sympathy. I mean, I know people would be sad, but not for a REASON, just because they know me and are supposed to, not because I provide any benefit in their life. Name one person who I benefit in a REAL way...maybe Amaria, that's all. I can't even give her her own bed, though. I don't even have room for her. They don't make four bedroom apartments, and I have ruined my credit so bad I'll NEVER be able to get a house, which I could never afford anyway, so basically, I don't have room for all my kids. God, I suck!
Is this self pity? I'm not trying to feel self pity. I'm just trying to take a realistic look at my life. A true balance of positive/negative. All the positive stuff is pretty inconsequential. I knit stuff. I take care of my dog. I love my kids with my heart, if not with my actions. I can't provide them with regular stuff.
Oh, hang it. Please, please, please, God just let me die in my sleep one night. Maybe when Amaria isn't here, because that would kind of mess her up to wake up with a dead mom next to her. Just let it be over for us!
However, as I am searching and searching for a job, and feeling more and more depressed that I have not gotten one, I think I am starting to realize that my identity does largely come from the job. Because when I had a job, I was supporting my family. Yes, I get unemployment, and support my family with that, but somehow it doesn't seem to count if it is not hard work.
This week, Amaria is off school, and I am spending a lot of time playing with her, her new presents, singing Christmas songs as we both love to do (and I finally found my FAVORITE Christmas song, Friendly Beasts, online) and all kinds of other stuff together - we are just being together. I know this has value. I want it to be a good time. Soon (hopefully) I will be working, and she will be back in school, and the opportunity to just spend time time time will have passed. So I'm trying to tell myself that I am doing something meaningful.
Still, I am feeling like such a loser, and I think it mostly has to do with not having a job. I am 34 years old. What have I accomplished in life? NOTHING! Sure, I have 3 kids, but so far, not doing such a great job raising them, am I? I have a son who hates us all, and who I am much happier with when he is not around me at all. I have a daughter who is a recluse, and does nothing but pick on and degrade everybody in the family, as she closes herself up in this house and never leaves. (Sometimes I don't mind this, because at least she is "safe" not out doing drugs and all that, but I don't think this is the way I wanted to keep her safe). I have a five-year-old daughter who has inherited or absorbed the anger of my son, and who lives in fear when he is here (it is mainly because of her that I am so glad when he just goes). I have done things, but there is no coherent line in my life. I knit, and that is my favorite thing, but it's not like that is a LIFE.
I could probably list accomplishments, even for the past year. But it doesn't seem to matter. Maybe this just all comes from the fact that I have no medical insurance and am totally out of Zoloft. Who knows?
I NEED A JOB! I felt so secure, so part of something, so purposeful when I worked for Ed at ATS. I say for Ed, because when he left is when it began to go downhill. I don't think I would have stayed even if the Clearwire thing hadn't come up. But now what am I going to do with myself? What what what what what?
Sometimes I think that everybody in my life would be better off if I just died. I mean, they'd have to shuffle the kids around, but at least Demetreus could live somewhere else, which he practically does and totally wants to anyway. Lisha would be able to have a parent (probably David & Emma) who she respects and who act like "real" parents (i.e. get her driver's license, etc.). And even though she wouldn't think so now, I'm sure Amaria would be better off. My parents would be WAY better off. They would have to quit worrying about whether I can support myself (which I generally can't) and it would be so much cheaper for them if we all (and our dog) weren't living here with them. Even though I give her as much money as possible, I know we cost them more money than that.
The thing is, I would never commit suicide. At least I'm in really bad health, so maybe I will just die in my sleep one night like Val did. Think about it - my eulogy would be so boring. "She came, she had a bunch of kids she couldn't support or raise right, she knitted, she died". And who would be at my funeral? Nobody but my relatives, and them only because we are related, not because I really make a difference in any of their lives. I know Amaria would be devastated. That is really the only reason I should be alive still. She loves me with all her heart, and I love her with all my heart. I love the other two with all my heart, but they only see the flaws in me. They don't see anything good in me, probably because there isn't much good to see. I can't keep a job, I can't keep health insurance for them (what kind of parent can't keep health insurance for their kid!?!?), I don't seem to have imbued them with any drive for success, or in Lisha's case, drive AT ALL. I am a complete and utter failure as a parent. Amaria just doesn't see it yet because she is little. Maybe I can get my act together and be a good parent for her. Maybe by the time she is old enough to know the difference, I will have and kept a job, and have health insurance for her so she gets to the doctor whenever she needs to go, and maybe I will even be able to afford her gymnastics classes, driver's lessons and license, and be able to drive her and her friends somewhere, and live in a decent enough house that she won't be ashamed to bring friends over.
I wonder if Zeke would miss me if I died? Nah, as long as somebody kept feeding him, he would be fine. Would my parents keep him if I died? I wish I would get some horrible cancer that would just kill me quickly. Then my family would have time to love me, even if they can't say that I did a lot in life, they would love me for a little while. And know that once I was gone, they could have some kind of real life. No, I think it would be better to just die in my sleep. I don't want a bunch of phony sympathy. I mean, I know people would be sad, but not for a REASON, just because they know me and are supposed to, not because I provide any benefit in their life. Name one person who I benefit in a REAL way...maybe Amaria, that's all. I can't even give her her own bed, though. I don't even have room for her. They don't make four bedroom apartments, and I have ruined my credit so bad I'll NEVER be able to get a house, which I could never afford anyway, so basically, I don't have room for all my kids. God, I suck!
Is this self pity? I'm not trying to feel self pity. I'm just trying to take a realistic look at my life. A true balance of positive/negative. All the positive stuff is pretty inconsequential. I knit stuff. I take care of my dog. I love my kids with my heart, if not with my actions. I can't provide them with regular stuff.
Oh, hang it. Please, please, please, God just let me die in my sleep one night. Maybe when Amaria isn't here, because that would kind of mess her up to wake up with a dead mom next to her. Just let it be over for us!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Two Old Women by Velma Wallis
Sub-Title: An Alaska Legend of Betrayal, Courage and Survival
This book, though short, packs a heck of a punch! There is so much to consider about the characters, the society, the family. It is a story of an ancient Athabascan (Alaskan native) tribe that is undergoing such hard times that they decide, when moving on for the winter, to leave two old women behind to die. These women have been taken care of by the group, and they repay the group by sewing some stuff. They spend a great majority of their time complaining, even when the children are going hungry.
When they are left alone, they are so sad, angry, betrayed, scared. Luckily, the older of the women, Ch'idzigyaak, has a daughter and grandson who love her, and they leave her with babiche (which has so many uses and without which the women could not have survived) and a hatchet (ditto). This was very brave of the daughter and grandson, as the group could have killed them, abandoned them, and possibly even eaten them (this was suggested...) if they had spoken out against the decision of the group.
It is so motivating the way the women work to keep themselves alive. Although they have been very pampered by the group, in respect for their advanced age (Ch'idzigyaak is 80, Sa' is 75), that they have lost most of the skills to take care of themselves. However, they actually do have the skills, and used them once upon a long time ago. It's like their bodies remember the ways of survival, and although it causes them great pain, they rise to the challenge. They gain a great respect for each other, and for themselves, as they continue to survive despite the great odds. Although they feel that they have lost everything (their family group, trust in other humans, love and respect), they do actually gain something. They gain a self-reliance that, even when rejoined to the group, they choose to retain.
I think that Ch'idzigyaak would have died if she had not been with Sa'. (Specifically Sa' and not some other person or by herself). Sa' was the stronger of the two, the one who had done more wild man-type work in her youth, the more confident of the two. Her strength called Ch'idzigyaak higher each day to perform...rather than wallowing around together, they brought out and encouraged the best in each other.
The two women say that they really did not know each other, which seems surprising since they have been together for years and years. However, it makes sense that when their relationship had been based on basically complaining that they never got deeper into one another's hearts. Once they become closer friends, friends of the heart, they are much happier and more determined to survive. They learn that they can rely on each other, even though they don't feel that they can rely on any other human after what happened.
In the end, when the People find the women, it seems a good luck omen to them. The women had survived so much better than they, and they end up learning so much from the women - especially how wrong it was to leave them in the first place. It was difficult for the women to trust again, but their desire for the company of the group allowed them to overcome their fear, though they never again fully joined. The saddest part was how long Ch'idzigyaak's daughter stayed away, when her presence was the greatest desire of Ch'idzigyaak's heart. When they finally reunited, I cried along with them. The maternal bond can survive so much. Nothing can make a woman stop loving her child, even the most terrible betrayal. Through all her resentment and anger, the sight of her daughter healed everything, and all Ch'idzigyaak really wanted was for her daughter and grandson to be okay and to hold them in her arms.
To me this book is about self-reliance and forgiveness. If these two women can forgive their group for this horrible betrayal, who could I not forgive? Obviously, the story of Christ is the ultimate story of forgiveness, but sometimes it helps to hear a story more related to my life (as a mother, even if the setting is so different). And it is also a good lesson to me about self-reliance and how much people are capable of when they put their minds to it. Even that people can be at their best during the greatest adversity.
I love this book, and would recommend it to anybody, any age.
This book, though short, packs a heck of a punch! There is so much to consider about the characters, the society, the family. It is a story of an ancient Athabascan (Alaskan native) tribe that is undergoing such hard times that they decide, when moving on for the winter, to leave two old women behind to die. These women have been taken care of by the group, and they repay the group by sewing some stuff. They spend a great majority of their time complaining, even when the children are going hungry.
When they are left alone, they are so sad, angry, betrayed, scared. Luckily, the older of the women, Ch'idzigyaak, has a daughter and grandson who love her, and they leave her with babiche (which has so many uses and without which the women could not have survived) and a hatchet (ditto). This was very brave of the daughter and grandson, as the group could have killed them, abandoned them, and possibly even eaten them (this was suggested...) if they had spoken out against the decision of the group.
It is so motivating the way the women work to keep themselves alive. Although they have been very pampered by the group, in respect for their advanced age (Ch'idzigyaak is 80, Sa' is 75), that they have lost most of the skills to take care of themselves. However, they actually do have the skills, and used them once upon a long time ago. It's like their bodies remember the ways of survival, and although it causes them great pain, they rise to the challenge. They gain a great respect for each other, and for themselves, as they continue to survive despite the great odds. Although they feel that they have lost everything (their family group, trust in other humans, love and respect), they do actually gain something. They gain a self-reliance that, even when rejoined to the group, they choose to retain.
I think that Ch'idzigyaak would have died if she had not been with Sa'. (Specifically Sa' and not some other person or by herself). Sa' was the stronger of the two, the one who had done more wild man-type work in her youth, the more confident of the two. Her strength called Ch'idzigyaak higher each day to perform...rather than wallowing around together, they brought out and encouraged the best in each other.
The two women say that they really did not know each other, which seems surprising since they have been together for years and years. However, it makes sense that when their relationship had been based on basically complaining that they never got deeper into one another's hearts. Once they become closer friends, friends of the heart, they are much happier and more determined to survive. They learn that they can rely on each other, even though they don't feel that they can rely on any other human after what happened.
In the end, when the People find the women, it seems a good luck omen to them. The women had survived so much better than they, and they end up learning so much from the women - especially how wrong it was to leave them in the first place. It was difficult for the women to trust again, but their desire for the company of the group allowed them to overcome their fear, though they never again fully joined. The saddest part was how long Ch'idzigyaak's daughter stayed away, when her presence was the greatest desire of Ch'idzigyaak's heart. When they finally reunited, I cried along with them. The maternal bond can survive so much. Nothing can make a woman stop loving her child, even the most terrible betrayal. Through all her resentment and anger, the sight of her daughter healed everything, and all Ch'idzigyaak really wanted was for her daughter and grandson to be okay and to hold them in her arms.
To me this book is about self-reliance and forgiveness. If these two women can forgive their group for this horrible betrayal, who could I not forgive? Obviously, the story of Christ is the ultimate story of forgiveness, but sometimes it helps to hear a story more related to my life (as a mother, even if the setting is so different). And it is also a good lesson to me about self-reliance and how much people are capable of when they put their minds to it. Even that people can be at their best during the greatest adversity.
I love this book, and would recommend it to anybody, any age.
Scottie's Christmas Present
'Twas the night before Christmas
One more present was needed
I knew it was late
But I've never heeded
All the ads imploring buy buy buy
Nope I'm stronger than they
But, oops, that's just why
I was short on time with no money to pay
For some useless type **it
I need something better
Hey, I bet I could knit
A Scottie-sized sweater!
So knit it I did
Took three hours is all
Amaria's a lucky kid
To have a bear so small.
One more present was needed
I knew it was late
But I've never heeded
All the ads imploring buy buy buy
Nope I'm stronger than they
But, oops, that's just why
I was short on time with no money to pay
For some useless type **it
I need something better
Hey, I bet I could knit
A Scottie-sized sweater!
So knit it I did
Took three hours is all
Amaria's a lucky kid
To have a bear so small.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
In the Night Room by Peter Straub
This book was a sequel to "lost boy lost girl" which I absolutely LOVED. This second book was pretty good, definitely gripping and compelling, but I did not love it as much as "lost boy lost girl". I found out a lot more about Tim Underhill who was not the central character of the first book (not at first, anyway). It explained more about the dead people, etc.
It was similar to Stephen King's Dark Tower books in that it brought author and character together. The difference is that Stephen King was the author in his books and his characters were the protagonists, and in this Peter Straub was not present, and the author was the protagonist. I have a feeling, since I know that King and Straub are friends and have collaborated, that they probably discussed this narrative technique and then worked it into separate books and then discussed how it worked out. It reminds me of how Frankenstein came into being...a group of writers discussing how to do a horror novel, and Frankenstein was Shelley's effort. If I had to pick which book worked it out better, I'd say SK but then I'm pretty biased towards him anyway.
I am pretty certain there will be another Tim Underhill book, though, as there were definitely some VERY loose ends at finish of the book. For example, what is the angel's name? I keep trying to figure it out, but no matter where I add the vowels to make some words, the name doesn't make sense. I'm going to look up on the internet to see if somebody has figured it out and posted it. Then also, Lily Kalendar (Huntress) obviously has some serious potential as a new fiend, or heroine, or both. I feel pretty sure that will get dealt with.
In the end, I was glad that Willy turned out to be who she was, to go with Mark, but it really was kind of incestuous that Tim slept with her, not so much in the fact that he created her (then making him the "father figure") but in the fact that she was his nephew's woman. I will look forward to another sequel, though, and if there isn't one, I probably won't go back and re-read these books. There's just not enough time to re-read books that don't really hit me deeply with so many other books to read once, and then great books to read over and over.
It was similar to Stephen King's Dark Tower books in that it brought author and character together. The difference is that Stephen King was the author in his books and his characters were the protagonists, and in this Peter Straub was not present, and the author was the protagonist. I have a feeling, since I know that King and Straub are friends and have collaborated, that they probably discussed this narrative technique and then worked it into separate books and then discussed how it worked out. It reminds me of how Frankenstein came into being...a group of writers discussing how to do a horror novel, and Frankenstein was Shelley's effort. If I had to pick which book worked it out better, I'd say SK but then I'm pretty biased towards him anyway.
I am pretty certain there will be another Tim Underhill book, though, as there were definitely some VERY loose ends at finish of the book. For example, what is the angel's name? I keep trying to figure it out, but no matter where I add the vowels to make some words, the name doesn't make sense. I'm going to look up on the internet to see if somebody has figured it out and posted it. Then also, Lily Kalendar (Huntress) obviously has some serious potential as a new fiend, or heroine, or both. I feel pretty sure that will get dealt with.
In the end, I was glad that Willy turned out to be who she was, to go with Mark, but it really was kind of incestuous that Tim slept with her, not so much in the fact that he created her (then making him the "father figure") but in the fact that she was his nephew's woman. I will look forward to another sequel, though, and if there isn't one, I probably won't go back and re-read these books. There's just not enough time to re-read books that don't really hit me deeply with so many other books to read once, and then great books to read over and over.
Oh, The Glory of it All by Sean Wilsey
This book is a memoir about the child of some very rich people in San Francisco, CA. It was interesting, and also strange to realize that there was a lot I could relate to despite the HUGE differences between the lives we have lived. I did note he is almost my exact same age. One of the most interesting things is that once I was halfway through the book, I went on the internet and looked up all the main characters in it, so I was able to picture them as I read the book. It was funny how they looked so NORMAL, and were really so NUTS! (By this I mainly mean DeDe Wilsey and Pat Montandon, but also how Al Wilsey did not look all cowed by DeDe even though he really was).
At first, I found myself relating to Sean's difficulties as I had been a kind of rebellious kid. I had some problems, though not nearly as severe as his! Then later, as he became an older teenager, I realized I related him to Demetreus and felt more of his parents' frustration and his counselors' frustration with him. The disappointment between knowing what he was capable of and what he actually chose to do with himself. However, they were totally oblivious how much they hurt him. It made me think to act more carefully how I treat Demetreus.
My favorite part in the whole book was when Sean's friend, Spence, told Sean's mom off as they were retrieving the rest of his belongings from her house. It was kind of a validation that she really was as nuts and that it was obvious to people "outside" the family and who really knew what was going on viewed Pat.
It seems that Sean grew up pretty well considering all he went through. It gives me hope for Demetreus. All in all, this is a pretty decent book, but I probably won't read it again.
At first, I found myself relating to Sean's difficulties as I had been a kind of rebellious kid. I had some problems, though not nearly as severe as his! Then later, as he became an older teenager, I realized I related him to Demetreus and felt more of his parents' frustration and his counselors' frustration with him. The disappointment between knowing what he was capable of and what he actually chose to do with himself. However, they were totally oblivious how much they hurt him. It made me think to act more carefully how I treat Demetreus.
My favorite part in the whole book was when Sean's friend, Spence, told Sean's mom off as they were retrieving the rest of his belongings from her house. It was kind of a validation that she really was as nuts and that it was obvious to people "outside" the family and who really knew what was going on viewed Pat.
It seems that Sean grew up pretty well considering all he went through. It gives me hope for Demetreus. All in all, this is a pretty decent book, but I probably won't read it again.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Amaria Christmas 2003 - Autumn Leaves Sweater
This is one of the first sweaters I ever knit. You can't tell by looking, but the neck is WAY too tight...but it is really pretty. It is made of Red Heart Misty, which I really loved when I first discovered yarn and knitting. Actually, I still do love! I don't want to become a yarn snob, but I think I will eventually...in the meantime, isn't this a great sweater? And Amaria already had those pants which matched PERFECTLY!
When the neck no longer fit over Amaria's head (that big ol' brain, you know) I gave the sweater to my co-worker and friend, Alan, for his little girl, who was about 2 years younger and had a much smaller head!
When the neck no longer fit over Amaria's head (that big ol' brain, you know) I gave the sweater to my co-worker and friend, Alan, for his little girl, who was about 2 years younger and had a much smaller head!
Silly Sisters
Amaria's not really mad...she and Lisha were just being silly for the camera.
Lisha doesn't always let me take her picture (don't know why, pretty as she is!), so I was really appreciative that I got to go crazy this morning and take about 15 picture of the girls together.
Lisha doesn't always let me take her picture (don't know why, pretty as she is!), so I was really appreciative that I got to go crazy this morning and take about 15 picture of the girls together.
Amaria & Zoe's Last Playtime
This was Zoe's last play-time visit outside. She used to always run away, every chance she got, and bark WAY too much!
This time when Amaria and I took her out, though, she didn't even need a leash, as she could only walk very slowly. She did not bark at all, due to the tumors constricting her voice.
Zoe had a nice time out walking with us, but spent the next 24 hours laying still, not eating or drinking. So it was the last time she was able to run around and play outside. After this, it was only about a week until I had to take her in and end her suffering (leukemia).
We loved Zoe so much!
Her nicknames were:
Barkiella
Zoe-Meister
Sweetheart
She was so friendly. She would come up to you wherever you were and waggle her tail (really, her whole back end) and look at you, and if you did not get what she meant and pet her, she would put one paw up on you. "Excuse me, Zoe's here, I need petting and love." Zeke even learned this paw trick from her!
As I choose to adopt older beagles that nobody else really wants, I know I don't get to keep them forever, but I sure do wish that Zoe would have been able to stay with us longer than one year.
Bye, Sweetheart - we love you!
This time when Amaria and I took her out, though, she didn't even need a leash, as she could only walk very slowly. She did not bark at all, due to the tumors constricting her voice.
Zoe had a nice time out walking with us, but spent the next 24 hours laying still, not eating or drinking. So it was the last time she was able to run around and play outside. After this, it was only about a week until I had to take her in and end her suffering (leukemia).
We loved Zoe so much!
Her nicknames were:
Barkiella
Zoe-Meister
Sweetheart
She was so friendly. She would come up to you wherever you were and waggle her tail (really, her whole back end) and look at you, and if you did not get what she meant and pet her, she would put one paw up on you. "Excuse me, Zoe's here, I need petting and love." Zeke even learned this paw trick from her!
As I choose to adopt older beagles that nobody else really wants, I know I don't get to keep them forever, but I sure do wish that Zoe would have been able to stay with us longer than one year.
Bye, Sweetheart - we love you!
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